Entry: Exercise 50 - Write a nasty chain letter 16.7.11

The current controversial headlines are hard to ignore - corrupt bishops receiving money from the PCSO purportedly to buy SUVs they needed in serving their communities.  One bishop, going so far as to request the SUV through a letter to former president Arroyo as a "birthday gift".

Out of the disgust I felt, I thought I'd write something also as a writing exercise which I haven't been doing much of late.  The challenge or exercise:  write a social commentary in the form of a chain letter using current events as the subject.  The letter should be satirical and preferably stinging.  A cap on word count is set at 500 words maximum.  As added assignment, you have to actually send the letter out.  Evaluate how well the letter is written by how extensive it gets circulated. 

Anyway, my obvious choice was the Pajero bishops controversy.  Below is what I wrote:

A Fund-Raising Campaign in Support of our Beloved Bishops

The recent controversies surrounding the so-called "SUV-shops" are needlessly overblown and are the result of a concerted government campaign to discredit our beloved church leaders.  I call on all Christians to unite and support our suffering bishops.

The bishops are our humble shepherds and they deserve to drive luxury vehicles as they tend to us meek and unquestioning flock.  SUVs are critical to highlighting their aura of holiness as leaders of the faithful.  You cannot wear a miter if your car doesn't have enough headroom.

A lowly used sedan simply won't do it is much too common and cheap.  Yes, while it is true that poverty is one of Christianity's religious vows, it should not be viewed as a strict obligation but rather a right that the clergy can choose to waive. Is it too big a deal that we cannot allow our bishops the convenience of choice?

If our president can buy a Porsche, why not SUVs for our bishops?  While it is true that Noynoy used his own money and not the government's, he does not hold the moral high ground because he is not a member of the CBCP

Everybody should know that morality is the monopoly of the church.  This is the reason why rapists in government service get jailed while child-molesters from the clergy only get reassigned.  The church should not stay silent on these and other controversies hounding it.  We can understand when they stayed silent during the "Hello Garci" scandal because we needed to maintain order and the status quo. But when forces threaten to change things for the better, such as the RH Bill movement, the voices of the people must be raised to the high heavens.

As laymen, we should express our support for our beleaguered church.  Let us help raise money to buy new SUVs to replace the ones the bishops returned to the government.  Although returning birthday gifts are insulting to the giver, the church needs to be firm in its position.  Really, the bishops wanted Mitsubishi Pajeros, not Monteros.  How inept can the government be?

Spread this message of love sent to you.  You will receive salvation within four days of receiving this letter provided in turn, you donate P20 to your bishop, the same price as a PCSO lotto ticket. Then send this letter on to other Christians. This is not a joke. Send copies to people you think need salvation and enlightenment.  Don't send this letter to members of the clergy, especially bishops as they are already saved and fully enlightened.  It's only your money that they need.


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